This Wasn’t What We Expected

There’s something about a baby that slows everything down.

In the middle of busy days, therapy schedules, school routines, and all the moving parts of life…

Sawyer reminds me to pause.

To breathe.

To just sit in the moment.


A Different Kind of Motherhood

Becoming a mom to Sawyer has felt different.

Not because I love him any less or any more—but because motherhood looks different the second time around.

But also… because he is different.

Sawyer is, in so many ways, the complete opposite of August.

And I’ve found myself having to relearn motherhood in a way I didn’t expect.


We Didn’t Know What to Expect

After August, we really didn’t know what to expect going into life with a second baby.

If I’m being honest… we were bracing ourselves.

We were ready for:
Sleepless nights.
Lots of tears.
Constant soothing.

We basically had our combat gear on, preparing for another intense season of newborn life.

And then Sawyer came… and we were like…

Oh.

This isn’t bad. 😂


Wait… Is This Normal?

In fact, there were moments early on where I genuinely thought something might be wrong.

Because he wasn’t crying all the time.

He was calm.
Content.
Peaceful.

And I remember thinking,

Shouldn’t this be harder?

It took me a minute to realize…

This is just… a different experience.


Relearning What Comes “Naturally”

With August, so much of early motherhood came with questions.

Learning how to meet his needs.
Figuring out what worked.
Navigating things that didn’t always come easily.

But with Sawyer, some of those things feel… different.

Simpler, in a way.

He sleeps well.
He eats well.
He rides in the car without a second thought.

He laughs easily.
Smiles often.
Loves to play, be held, and rocked.

There’s a rhythm to him that feels natural.

And I’ve realized something in this season that I want to say carefully, but honestly:

Some parts of this have been easier.


Holding Two Truths at Once

And saying that doesn’t take anything away from August.

Not even a little bit.

Because I don’t love him any less.

If anything, walking through the harder seasons with him has deepened my love in ways I can’t even fully explain.

But what I’m learning is that both things can be true at the same time.

Motherhood with August stretched me.

Motherhood with Sawyer feels softer in some ways.

And both experiences are shaping me into the mom my boys need.


A New Perspective

Having August first changed the way I see everything.

It taught me patience.
It taught me to slow down.
It taught me to celebrate the smallest wins.

And now with Sawyer, I feel like I’m able to sit in moments I might have rushed through before.

I notice more.

I soak in more.

I don’t take as much for granted.


The Beauty in the Differences

My boys are different.

Their needs are different.
Their personalities are different.
Their experiences of the world are different.

And that’s okay.

It doesn’t make one better or more important than the other.

It just means motherhood looks different with each of them.

And I’m learning how to show up for both.


Soaking It In

Right now, I’m just soaking in this season with Sawyer.

The snuggles.
The smiles.
The ease of certain moments.

While also continuing to walk the journey with August—celebrating his growth, supporting his needs, and loving him just as deeply.

There’s room for both.

And there’s beauty in all of it.

How Autism Has Changed Our Family

Since April is Autism Awareness Month, I’ve spent the past few weeks sharing pieces of our journey with autism — explaining things like therapy, stimming, advocacy, and the small wins that mean everything.

But as the month comes to a close, I want to share something a little more personal.

I want to talk about how autism has changed our family.

When August was first diagnosed, everything felt heavy.

There were so many unknowns.

So many questions.

So many words in the evaluation report that felt overwhelming and honestly a little terrifying.

For a while, it felt like the future we thought we were stepping into had suddenly changed.

There was grief in that.

Not grief over August himself — but grief over expectations we didn’t even realize we were holding.

The picture we thought we understood.

But over time, something unexpected started to happen.

Our perspective began to change.

Autism has slowed us down in ways we never anticipated.

It has taught us to celebrate moments that many families might overlook.

A new sound.

A moment of eye contact.

A shared laugh.

A new skill that once felt impossible.

The world teaches us to measure progress in big milestones.

Autism has taught us that sometimes the smallest steps forward are the ones that matter most.

It has also stretched us as parents.

It has taught us patience.

It has taught us to listen more closely.

It has taught us to advocate when something matters.

And it has taught us that every child deserves to be understood for who they are.

Autism hasn’t just shaped August.

It has shaped all of us.

It has made our family more compassionate.

More aware.

More grateful for the little things.

And through all of it, our faith has grown deeper.

We believe that God has a purpose for August’s life.

We believe that his story is still being written.

And while we don’t know exactly what the future holds, we trust the One who does.

Autism may not have been the path we expected.

But it has brought growth, perspective, and moments of joy we may never have noticed otherwise.

And for that, we are grateful.